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I'm listening to Photograph by Nickelback right now.

Put me almost in tears. Almost.

It's so damn hard to say goodbye. So damn hard. This year has been nothing but goodbye. Everyone I cared for are slipping away from me. At first I thought that things would work out after summer. We'd meet each other again...I'm not too sure about that anymore.

My closest friends are studying so far, far away from me. The friends (okay, friend-enemies really) who said were going to study in XU are not actually going to be there. Take Ralph for example. He said he was going there but he's not.

It's just that...Life is taking away a lot of things from me and I don't think it's gonna give me something in return. High school sent me broken. I don't know how to make friends anymore. Scratch that. I do know. But now I'm darn too chicken to try.

Shit. What the hell am I going to do in college? I don't want to repeat high school where most of the fun times I ever did, I did by myself.

Oh, hell.
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I know it's a bit too late. The Farewell party happened two weeks ago but I must have a written record of it.

So, here's what happened on the 24th of March:

It was already decided that everyone would meet at IS campus at 8:00 am. Unfortunately, in the Philippines, there's a thing we call the Pilipino time where people would always come an hour later than the announced time. So, it was not surprising that when I arrived at exactly 8:00, only Camille and Sheer Magne were there.

So we talked a bit. One by one, more people came. Then Sir Mhel arrived at the scene and called for an emergency meeting. We still didn't have anything to eat for later so, he assigned people to buy some groceries and we'll just cook them at the resort.

I went in Kim's car. We'd just drop Lester, Sheer Magne and Paolo at Gaisano and the rest would go directly at the resort.

Morabora. It has a pool as big as our lawn and two rooms, each the same size of our living room and dining room put together. There's a convention hall where we can have our meals and a bar decorated with empty wine bottles. There's a little cottage on the rear where the view is spectacular. It was the best resort I've ever been in (that's not saying much though).

Unfortunately, while we were chatting (Kim, Chelsea and I), we heard a familiar laughter from the next door resort (Quality), the evil laugh of Nicolo which can only mean...Br. Eusebius Adrian is on the other side. The history between the battle of Eusebius and Hille (our precious section) is a long story (actually all the other sections hated them). Just imagine a typical scenario of a school having a first section. Anyway, the fact that they're near made me feel down. I didn't want a fight that day.

Then, Shara (from Eusebius...Charles' girlfriend...ally) came inside. She said that at 6:00 pm, all the sections would come together for a grad ball (all sections had a farewell party at the same day and the resorts were practically neighbors, yet our allies were a bit far from us). When everybody else came, I told everyone about it. I don't have to tell you what their answers were.

So, when things were settled, everyone had fun. Lester was cooking (actually grilling meat...yum) while Abby and company were making rice. All the rest...SWIMMING!


Lunch was superb. We didn't have much money so all we bought were paper plates and disposable cups. But nobody minded eating with their hands. Our drinks were Infinit (imagine strawberry/orange-flavored Cali with alchohol) with credits to Melissa who brought two boxes of them. What did you expect from Hille, the pinakapasaway (most rebellious) section? I'm not kidding, our section had the most number of violation reports received.

Then we continued swimming. Jay and I were trying desperately to learn how to float. Lester, Charles and John competed for the best pose-dive. Some took pictures. Sheer Magne was the sexiest, wearing spaghetti-strapped blouse and shorts but she did not swim though. Diane was just texting (she's not allowed to swim).


Just before sunset, we Ferry, Nelps, Mabby, and I went to the sea. It was low tide so a patch of sand appeared somewhere in the middle of the sea. We went there and played sandball (think of snowballs with sand). We covered Nelps with sand. I wrote our section's name on sand. Miki, Abby and Billy also came and collected a lot of starfishes and used them to write there names.

Sigh. It was great. Everything was great. But it wasn't anything compared to what happened at night.
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Papa did not pass the BAR exam.


BAR Exam is an exam taken by law graduates. (In case you didn't know) If you pass, the government gives you a license which gives you a lot of advantages in life (money, fame, blah, blah, blah).


This is the second time he took the exam (and failed). You can't believe the hell I've been through while he was busy taking that damn exam. The first time was tedious though he was only gone for a month. I was in charge of the family budget composed of P6000. Trust me, a family can barely live with P6000 a month. Last year (the second time), he left for 7 months. He took a reviewer's class thingy in Ateneo de Manila (what a waste of good money). If one month was hard, imagine how much I suffered in 7 months.


You might be thinking, "What kind of kid says such things to a father?" or something along those lines. Well, let me tell you this. My mom went to Canada to work as a caregiver. Why? She wanted to be rich. When she was unmarried, her whole family (a mother, a father, and 7 children) lived in a house with only one room. She'd do anything to escape that life. My dad always wanted to be a lawyer but he was never supported by his parents (they didn't even go to any of his graduations). His father (my grandfather) wanted his eldest son (Uncle Benjoe) to be a lawyer since he always had high grades. Mommy (my grandmother) would not spend more money for Papa to be lawyer and so, he trained to be a priest where he met my mom, a member of the church's choir.


In short, my parents left us to reach their own dreams. I'm angry because while they were off chasing their castles in the air, we were left behind----no, I was left behind and was given the heaviest burden I ever carried. Every day, I dealt with a spoilt sister, a hardheaded brother, an abusive yaya (nanny), a lazy yayo (boy version of nanny) and a moocher (son of a family friend).


So now, Papa is his room (silently crying, I bet). Sigh. I feel sorry for the guy. I DO want to comfort him. It's just that I'm afraid I'm going to say the wrong things. Besides, I think taking the exam was foolish. When I found out that the exam was filled with essays, I knew he was not going to pass. Papa's real smart but he's not good with English grammar.


God, your test turned me into this.


I wonder...what your next test will turn me into.
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Sorry for being postless for a while. I've been doing nothing but play, play, play.


Right now, I'm addicted to Jam Legend and Nostale.





Jam Legend is kinda like the online version of Guitar Hero except you can strum (which is difficult, trust me). You can choose to play with 3, 4 or 5 keys. Unfortunately, I started out with Beginner (3 keys). Now, I'm SO used to it, I can't play with 4 (or worse---5) keys. Charlie keeps sending me duels (4 keys - canon rock) and I suck (worse than a noob T_T). Don't get me wrong though. When I play Canon Rock (with 3 keys), I'm a pro. I almost reached the best score. But with 4 keys....




Nostale is another MMORPG. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!! The NPC's are SOOO CUTE and so are the monsters. It breaks my heart to kill them. The great thing about Nostale is that you could have pets (for free!) and a land where you could build a house (free too...not the house though). My siblings and I are so addicted. And the best part is...IT'S NOT POPULAR! (meaning lag free) It's global too.



So these are the reasons why I haven't done anything in this blog, my plurk, even friendster. God forgive me.


I'll update though. There's a lot I want to tell you guys. It's all about what happened in our farewell, the best farewell I ever had (and the best farewell that day, so I'm told).
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Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

My heart was racing as Ms. Embuscado announced the most important name of my life, "Ma. Rosetti G. Villamor."

My graduation went the same as the others. The way I strolled confidently on the stage wasn't extraordinary. I was only able to shake hands with Br. Jun (LSU President) instead of Mar Roxas (senator and guest speaker). But you know what, today was one of those days when I don't stop smiling (trust me, I look good when I smile...and when I frown...and...oh, forget it, I always look good).

I got myself a diploma, a certificate and a very unique medal (the crest is the school logo instead of the usual circle thing) which I got for the Communications Award (Best in English doesn't matter anymore...I know I'm the best).

I can't believe I'm at a point where I can call myself a Not-High-School-Anymore-But-Not-Yet-College-Either. I guess you could say that I'm a (beautiful) caterpillar inside a cocoon that's just waiting to be a butterfly.

Wow. Looking back at my past (okay, maybe some of my past...I've got a VERY poor memory), I feel like all my aches and pains are finally over. I'm going to have a new life, man. Maybe I'll be given harder tests by Him. Oh well. Bring it on.

I'm gonna miss my high school life though...even if I did hate MOST of it. It was in high school that I learned the most important lesson in life: You're on your own. It was in these four years that I decided who I want to be. I'm not gonna sulk my life away...like some people (yes, I mean you, Reymart). Instead, I'm going to live my life to the fullest, do as much as I can, and die smiling. I'm also gonna miss my friends. I may not have a BFF (sigh...I didn't have a boyfriend or anything close to that either...), but there are so many people I wish I could never forget (I think I'm going to have Alzheimer's when I grow old), so many classmates that influenced who I am, good and bad.

But, I have to move on. Everybody has to. Don't worry though, I'll come back. I'll keep in touch. I always do.

Anyway, Papa has this nasty illness right now. He's got a nasty pimple INSIDE his nostril and (being his usual stubborn self) he burst it way too early. It got infected and now half of his face is puffier. Shiver. Nasty. But I'm not gonna let Papa's mood (he keeps complaining and acts like he's got a deadly sickness) put me down. This is my day, baby. The day I'm going to start to aim for the best (I've always been too lazy to do so in high school).

Congratulations, Setti.




Graduation Song - Vitamin C
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One of the things that had been bugging me this week is the Mabby Issue.

It all began when I had to force all Victor Hille to practice for the Tribute to Parents for the next day (I wrote a kind-of essay all about it on my deviantart journal). Earlier that morning, I asked Mabby to borrow a cassette from the library since we are going to use a cd (dance with my father by luther vandross and you'll be in my heart by usher). Now, to borrow from the library, you have to leave your ID behind in exchange for the thing you wish to borrow.

So, we used the cassette for our emergency practice. Victor Hille were being their usual selves --- noisy, uncooperative and impatient. It's only typical that the practice would end at 6 pm. By that time, the library was already closed. When everybody else left after the practice, I noticed Mabby crying (for her ID). She was afraid to get VR from Sanchez (a.k.a. kabayo of LSU-IS). But, if it was me, I would not mind leaving my ID at the lib. I knew nothing bad would happen to you. So, seeing Mabby so distressed, I offered my ID. She walked out on me.

The next day, while I was distributing the literary folio to the Victor Hill people, I asked if she was okay. She did not utter a single word to me.

I asked Grelou and Ferry. It seems they did not want to talk about it. But, Ferry did say that "Daghan kaayo nasuko nimo kahapon, Sett. (A lot of people were angry with you yesterday.)" When I think about it, I was losing my wits with the way the ViChes were during the practice and when I lose my wits, I tend to lose my manners (doesn't everybody?).

Anyway, I can't get near to my friends anymore. It seemed like Mabby had them on her fingertips. I was usually left alone. Sigh.

It was yesterday that I asked forgiveness from Mabby. From what I see, all we had was a misunderstanding. I mean, how the hell should I know that she was THAT sensitive. Her fault was that she did not understand how important that practice was and that I can't cut the practice short.

So, I did tell her. I asked her what she would have done if she was the mayor of Hille and the tribute was tomorrow. I was baffled by her answer. "Biyaan nako sila. Nganong dili maminaw. (I'll leave them be. It's their fault if they won't listen to me.)"

Sigh. Honestly, this is the most stupid friend fight I've ever had and the dumbest thing I've ever had to say sorry for. And the worst part is, I realized Mabby is a very...unfortunate girl.

God, thanks for giving me a conscience to let me think of others before me.

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Today, we Grade 10 students had our first Graduation practice. It was today that the teachers announced the honor students and the students to acquire awards...

I thought I was going to nail Best in English. I know I am the best in our batch when it came to anything English. The most recommended writer/speaker. My grammar is ALMOST flawless (I did not say I was perfect). I got the Communications Award instead.

And who got the Best in English? None other than the amateur, Joni Leigh Dongallo (not sure of the surname spelling). She has been competing against me ever since third year (I keep winning though). Sigh. There are only two reasons I could think of why this is so:

One. I am lazy.

Two. Joni belongs to the first section and teachers tend give more awards to them since the standards in the first section is different from the heterosection.

Oh well. Better than nothing, I suppose. Can't believe Jessan got the Debater's Award. He does keep debating on his backwards opinion (don't worry, Jessan and I treat each other like this all the time).

Another false hope. Ms. Bunny distributed the literary folio. She assured me that my stories would be put there...When I looked at it, the only work under my name was the foreword. Double sigh. So much of my dream of leaving a legacy behind La Salle University.

Note to self: Stop expecting the unexpected. Or better yet, don't expect anything at all.
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At last, my blog is starting to shape up. I've finally made my own header, my own background and all with the help of Xara Xtreme and bloggerbuster.com. Looking at it now, I'm proud to say "Not bad. Not bad."

I know it's a bit too early but it's high time I put some content in this empty blog. I'll tweak and tune this blog every once in a while...hoping to make it perfect. The truth is, blogger is just my practice interface (am I making sense?). My real aim is to make the best Webs.com website. For now, it's just too advanced for me. I can't download a template to base my tweaks from but,I know I'll be a professional someday...*sigh*

Anyway, on this very night, March 18, 2008, Wednesday, I officially declare Setti OPEN.